Realizations

As I explored an amusement park with my friends today I was constantly in fear, on the verge of tears, and ready to run from the park at any point? Why? The reason we're all here, weight. All my friends would slide into the rides perfectly happy but at every different ride I would be terrified that the bar wouldn't fit down over my thighs or that my stomach couldn't be sucked in any farther to make the restraints fit. At one point it just wouldn't fit and I was ready to just cry in front of everyone but I moved. sucked in, and readjusted until the bar just barely clicked into the first notch.

Food is great but is it worth the terror I feel as the result of this "wonderful" food? I want to walk places and go on bike trips and have fun playing sports. Everything I've loved from a young age but can't truly enjoy anymore.

I'm just too fat now.
I need my scale desperately to see how screwed I am. I just eat mindlessly because it's what I can do. I need to stop. Now.

This is not a promise post. I don't promise to be the best role model because I know I haven't so far. But it is to kick myself into realizing how screwed up I am right now and right now I need this. I'm making a list of appropriate breakfast, lunch, and dinners that will hopefully help.

I'm reading all my old blogs to see where my strength comes from and where my weakness kills me. 

xxxx

Thinspo for the Day

I will get what I want and you will be jealous