It's A New Year

 

So it's 2012 and I'm sure everyone knows that already, even I know it but I don't feel it. You're supposed to be happy and excited for the new year but I couldn't feel the happiness. To me tonight signaled another year of me being stuck in the same body and in the same spot.

I know that I haven't blogged in so many months but I just thought I'd let you all know what's going on. Right now I am dealing with clinically diagnosed severe depression and am on medication to reduce my depression and anxiety. Some of you may say that depression isn't real and that I just have to "snap out of it" but that's not the case. I have tried. For me I feel a constant weight on my chest. It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and that I can't breath. Until this semester I didn't know what it meant to have your heart ache but I feel that often now. It really does feel like your heart is so sad that it just aches. It's not plesant.

Right now I'm just trying to overcome my depression and still eat better and lose weight. I don't want to be sitting in my bed 366 days from now eating or wishing I was skinnier. I want to be out at a party or anywhere, just not inside my house, having a fun time with a date. I have never been asked out once! I want this so bad.

So, I want to share my list of resolutions for 2012 with you:

1. Lose 10lbs by the end of January
2. Do at least one selfless deed a week
3. Floss everyday
4. Lose more than 50lbs this year
5. Get a good job
6. Cut back on fast food to once or twice a month
7. Save more than $500 by New Years Day 2013
8. Remind myself that even though life feels impossible right now I can make it
9. Go on at least one date this year
10. Make one friend that's a real friend

I have so much going on in my head and my life right now that I just need to get out and I hope this is my year to do so.

Wish me Luck!