Sunday, May 8, 2011

Home Finally

So just to catch everyone up because I've been gone for so long. My friend ended up living with me until the end of school, Thursday. Then I flew home on Friday and I have been unproductive since then...hehe. Guess that's what happens when you're home after finals.

So far I've fucked up on eating healthy since being home but I'm starting tomorrow. I'm hoping to aim for 800 or less calories while I'm home. I just need to find stuff that I can do at home to keep myself busy and out of the house. When I stay at home I snack which is not allowed.

I hate being home so much sometimes and then other times it's all I want.

This is the conclusion I came to a few weeks ago. My grandmother/adoptive mother doesn't notice me ever since my aunt came into the picture (long story that I won't tell now). My aunt is the overachiever and most well hired person in our family. She gets the smart and well-off card. Then my birthmother gets the recovered from being an alcoholic and drug addict card. I get nothing. So, I decided I wanted the thin card. No one in my family would be as thin as me. Then, the other morning I'm laying in bed listening to my grandmother/mother tell my godmother all about how my aunt has lost so much weight and how she looks so good now. I don't know what to do. She's taking the one thing I can conceptually have for herself. I want her gone.

I want to be the thinnest. I need to be. So I will restrict.

So that's where I am. I haven't weighed myself in forever either so I know I will be over 230 which will just be devestating. I hate my need to binge and snack. I need to stop it before it's too late.

I know I am super behind on blogs but I'll read them all and catch up. I'll read all your posts but probably only comment overall on your newest posts!

Stay strong and lovely!!!
Thinspo for the Day

I will get what I want and you will be jealous


  1. that thinspo = <3. good luck, dear. i know you can do it. when im home for the summer, i found that reading interesting books and watching movies kept me occupied and away from snacking. i also stayed in my room most of the time, away from the kitchen. <3 stay lovely.

  2. oh! and i AHHDDOOREE your background. (: