Up a Creek and I Definetly Can't Find the Paddle

You know when you look around and everyone gets it? They get what they want and how to get it and they work towards it. They're just taking what you want away from you faster than you can try to find it.
That's what's going on with me now.

I want to be thin, skinny, tiny, [insert any synonym here]

All of you are getting this. You're fasting, restricting, running, working out. I can't. I feel so trapped. The more I worry about my weight and want to lose weight the more I put weight on. Isn't that backwards? I'm rarely ever hungry and yet I still fill myself. Isn't that stupid?

I don't need criticism right now. It would just make this all worse and I'd probably add another 10lbs to my already growing weight thinking about the comment.

I already hate myself. I'm not as fun as usual and I definetly don't participate in activities I used to do. I just hate that I can't be me anymore, regardless of how much I weigh I should be able to to be me. I know losing weight is the only way to do that. I wish I knew someone my age who also wanted to lose weight who lived near me and who could keep constant tabs on me. All it takes is that one look from a friend at my plate to make my stomach turn and make me push away the plate. No one will give me that look! They're too polite!

Someone please kick me butt in the right direction!

Sorry to be such a downer. I just wish I was more like the girls I see everywhere. They say x amount of Americans are obese but I hardly ever see them. All the people around me are all tiny or within a healthy weight range. I want to be unhealthy and in the underweight category instead of the large and in charge section.

This is my resolve though. I will do it. I would be extremely excited if I could lose 10-20lbs by the end of the summer (even though that wouldn't even get me back to where I was at Christmas it would be a start).

xxxx.

Thinspo for the Day

I will get what I want and you will be jealous