Sunday, April 17, 2011

Kinda On Track Again

I will say today has been the best so far. I was trying to do a 24 hour fast but by about 5:30 my stomach was in so much pain I had to put something in it. I will be the first to say that I am addicted to water but as soon as I try to fast suddenly I don't water, I don't want diet coke, I don't want anything and that probably screws me up the most.

I have spent this entire weekend relaxing. So bad but I did not have the energy to deal with life or to move. I just got out of bed at 5:30 today due to the hunger pains. I stayed in bed, despite the sauna-like temperatures and thought. I thought about my stomach and how it hangs, and how I hate my life and how I wish I could starve until by body fat % was 0. I want this to be over with and the only way to do that is for me to lose all this stupid weight. I want it gone. I checked and I can lose 3.5lbs a week by eating 874 or less calories. That seems so much but I know I should aim for that.

My new life was planned to start today and while I could not follow through with the fast I still only ate one meal, trying to get rid of all the take out in my fridge.

I look around me constantly and all I see are tiny people. All I want is to be like them a lot of the time now I just feel so depressed because of it. I feel sluggish and I don't want to get out of bed or I don't want to go to class but usually I force myself to do so. Everything is so hard now. I have gained so much weigh as of late Since winter break (like 4 months) I have gained 20lbs. How does that happen? I don't know but I'm over it. I'm supposed to enjoy a breakfast at a fancy bakery on Saturday morning so my goal is from today to saturday to be at least 5lbs lighter by then. At midnight yesterday (the beginning of this thingy) I was 232.2 (Please don't hate me or stop reading because I'm so fat.). Around noon today I was 229.0 and I will weigh again tonight. If I can stay above this 229 then I'll already be down 3.2lbs and I'll just need to lose 1.8lbs more.

Oh please let me get there!

Thinspo for the Day
i will get what i want xxxx

1 comment:

  1. You can do this! -Just take it one step at a time. Good Luck!!!!!