Sunday, January 23, 2011

Bad Night

Let me just say that last night should have been great. I went to my first college frat party (I know I'm lame for not partying more) at USC and it should have been fun. I should have drank (or at least wanted to), I should have danced with guys, and I should have had a great time. Instead, my being fat ruined it for me. Noone wants to dance with the fat girl or get her a drink or anything.

I went with my two diver friends, the pretty and hot and skinny girls, and they got all the attention. I'll let you know first how the first party of the year went. We went to a school dance (notoriously known for having a lot of drunk and crazy people) and not even 2minutes in two guys were grinding on them and I was awkwardly still in the circle dancing by myself. This went on for at least an hour and by the end I just wanted to cry about how no one wanted to dance with me and I is probably because I was so fat. So, back to last night, the same thing happened. We get there and the guy one of my friends is friends with comes up with two cup and says, "I could only get two drinks" and then hands them to them, and tells me there's more at the bar. That was kind of a slap in the face, why would she be more likely to get the drink instead of me? Because I'm disgustingly fat. Gross! And then of course we ended up in the same stupid circle with two guys grinding on them and me just bobbing to the music. In case you haven't experienced this before, it sucks. I hated it and I just wanted some guy, even a loser/creeper, to grind on me - it's gotten that bad recently. So the party sucked according to my friends (I had nothing to gauge it against) and afterward, as we were walking the long way back to the car, this group of creepish black guys were just standing together blocking the sidewalk. I was in the back of our "line" as we were walking along and they started trying to hit on us, mainly me. So yes, I get hit on but only A. sometimes and B. by creepy black guys who have nothing better to do. My friends made me keep walking which is definetly the right thing to do but somewhere in the back of my head I wanted to go back and talk to them and hang out with them because as creepish as they might be, it felt good to be wanted when they weren't wanted more....

Anyways, enough of the rant. It's just I can't tell my friends because they'll think I'm stupid and that I have no reason to have such a low self-esteem. And all of you, as beautiful as you are even at 110 or 120 or 130 or more, you understand how I feel probably and it's comforting.

I decided to tell you my top 10 greatest food "addictions" - 1 being the worst - are and If any of you have tips to break this addiction PLEASE let me know! I need all the help you can give. Don't read if you have bad binge triggers!

1. Onion Rings
2. French Fries
3. Ice Cream
4. Hamburgers/Cheeseburgers (best with bacon)
5. Cookies
6. Pie
7. Milkshakes
8. My mother's popcorn
9. Wheat Thins
10. Chipotle Burritos or Qdoba Nachos

Trigger Part Over!
Well that was like the longest post ever! I apologize but if your read all the way through, Thank You. It means a lot.

Also, I promise I will comment more on your blogs. I've just been reading from like the 11th and trying to catch up on all the crazy stuff you all have been up to! But I'm catching up on most of them. If you want me to read yours just leave me a comment. Also I've put in a little box in the sidebar with my email and phone if you ever need help or just want another friend to talk to. I have At&t in the US and I have unlimited txting.

Thinspo for the Day

Stay Lovley


  1. i have not been eating the soup. mostly because im too lazy to make it and because my parents will be like... wtf are you making, and why so much? yurp.
    im sorry you didnt have a good time at the party. i do know how that feels. :/ i dont go to parties much, well, i wish i did.
    im sorry i cant help with your triggers, but perhaps you should just think about what your doing and have a nice serving size of it with tons of water. good luck!

    stay lovely. <3

  2. I just found your blog :)
    I've had nights like that when ive been out with my friends where i see people hooking up and stuff and im getting no male acknowledgement whatsoever. But dont be discouraged use it as motivation :)