The Point

I want to be this thin

I don’t really know exactly how blogging works or even if it will work. But I guess I’ll try. For any of you who haven’t already figured out what this is, this is a weight blog. About my life and about how sucky I feel and hopefully at least someone or some of you will support me. I’m 18 and in college and ever since I moved in 7th grade I have been constantly putting these nice pudgy fat rolls all over my body. Everyday I get depressed and feel like my life means nothing and that no one should be my friend or care about me because of how I look.

I want to be thin.

I don’t need to be 100lbs (at least not yet) and I don’t even need to be 120lbs, but what I do need is to be 140lbs by the time summer comes around. For most of you I know you’re saying, “140lbs? that’s sooo much. Even when she reaches that weight she’ll be fat.” But the thing that you don’t know is I haven’t seen a scale say anything less than 195lbs in 4-5 years. That sucks! I want to be less than this and I think it is one of the most important things for me ever.

Recently, I have tried purging, binging, anorexia and I have failed at each of them – except the binging =). I literally have the worst willpower of any person you will ever meet. I can resolve to do something (which I do A LOT) and then the next day if I see a hamburger all my willpower is gone and I can’t resist.

So, I will break this down for all of you. About 3 weeks ago I tried restricting but with my sport (diving) it was too hard to survive morning dryland practices on 300cals so I justified cheating. =( Then last monday (the 1st) I started my new diet plan. To lose 80lbs in about 6months – 25 weeks basically. I rocked monday and tuesday and then failed wednesday, thursday, and friday. Now it’s saturday and I have resolved to start this diet again on monday. I love how food tastes and I need it so bad (NO I DON”T) but I need to learn that I can survive on less than 5zillion calories a day. So we’re going to make this work and survive these 6 months no matter how hard they are. I will post separately the rules for this diet and my rewards (Yay!!!).

Please, if you read, leave comments and suggestions.

Just some thinspo for anyone who needs it!

~~UPDATE~~

I know I said no starving while on this diet but I’m going to try to fast tomorrow and teach myself restraint before these long 6months. I might not make it. But I’m going to try and have faith in myself. As long as I don’t wind up in a restaurant, cafeteria, etc I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok.