I think in my mind since I have stopped fasting I can do whatever. However, this is not true. There are still rules and I just don't get that. So today was bad again. I ate my PBJ (skipped breakfast), had 1 Amy's black bean enchilada meal, and then proceeded to eat fries and ice cream. So I'm guessing I came in at about 905 calories. Damn!
So I'm being proactive and I'm taking charge of my body to show myself that I need to take control. So starting at 6:00 tonight and going until 6:00tomorrow I am doing a 24 hour fast. Then I will eat a PBJ in order to give myself energy for my final. Then I will fast again for 24 - 26 hours and then have dinner with my birthmother. I still have a shot, a very slim one, but still a shot at being 207 or better yet 205 by Friday morning. I noticed this morning that I could put my size 19 jeans on without unbuttoning them. Why is that not enough inspiration for me?!
Well, here's your thinspo. Also, I was feeling inspired today and thought I would post one of my favorite poems. It sums up my life especially when I feel beat down after I binge!
Thinspo for the Day
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Maya Angelou
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Maya Angelou
Stay Strong Lovelies!
That is an AWESOME poem! Thanks so much for sharing it with us :)
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are. Maybe honest isn't the right word- you articulate your feelings so precisely I can almost feel them, and it feels hauntingly familiar.
ReplyDeleteYou are a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing.