Fuck me. *sorry for the language*
The good news is I woke up and I weighed 207.6 - Just 0.6lbs from my goal for next Friday. I planned out my meal for the day and planned to stick to it.
However, I then went to study in the only good study area on campus, the Cooler - the same place I work. I thought I reasonable to have a BLT instead of my frozen meal for dinner tonight. Which, in retrospect was a good idea. Nevertheless, the BLT turned into a BLT + a slice of chocolate mousse tart (I don't even know the calories) + 1 small scoop of nutella ice cream. Damn!
Now I am looking at 23 hours more of a 24 hour fast that I plan to do until tomorrow at 3. Then, I will eat dinner tomorrow night, most likely a frozen meal.
Things that today has taught me:
- I really cannot go anywhere near the Cooler unless required to
- I must stay in my room studying or sleeping in order to avoid food
- I will be home in 1 week where I can do whatever I want without being in places where they cook burgers, BLTs, and Grilled Cheeses whenever you want them
notquiteana says that If I don't screw up (Whoops. Cause I did just that already today) I could be staring down at the 100s by the end of this year! God I hope so! That would be truly amazing.
Well, wish me luck and I hope that I can stay strong through the next 23 hours.
Thinspo for the Day
Keep the Power, Will Power that is Lovlies,
xxxx
~~UPDATE~~
I can't tell you what I've eaten today. It would be too depressing. I can't. I know tomorrow I will be 210 or more. Hopefully not but most likely.
I HATE MYSELF
I know that fat is not cute and that thin is all I desire but why can't I make my actions show this? I'm fucking up my life and I can't stop. I even screwed up my 24 hour fast. I think I'll just give up on it.
FML. Ana just needs to support me. I need to feel her reach over and pull me back up when I stumble, trip, and fall and I need her to grab me before I go overboard.
Let's hope the scale has a little bit of compassion tomorrow.
xxxxxx
oh gosh, i'm sorry you binged! it's hard to control yourself when you think you're doing well and that it'll be ok to eat juuuuuust a little more than usual and then it turns into eating a whole crapload of food... whatever number the scale tells you tomorrow remember that you WILL get past it again. please don't beat yourself up about this ok? I DO still believe you'll be in the 100's by 201!!! Don't give up!!!
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