Saturday, December 11, 2010

Good Loss = Bad Reward

Day 12

Fuck me. *sorry for the language*

The good news is I woke up and I weighed 207.6 - Just 0.6lbs from my goal for next Friday. I planned out my meal for the day and planned to stick to it.

However, I then went to study in the only good study area on campus, the Cooler - the same place I work. I thought I reasonable to have a BLT instead of my frozen meal for dinner tonight. Which, in retrospect was a good idea. Nevertheless, the BLT turned into a BLT + a slice of chocolate mousse tart (I don't even know the calories) + 1 small scoop of nutella ice cream. Damn!

Now I am looking at 23 hours more of a 24 hour fast that I plan to do until tomorrow at 3. Then, I will eat dinner tomorrow night, most likely a frozen meal.

Things that today has taught me:
- I really cannot go anywhere near the Cooler unless required to
- I must stay in my room studying or sleeping in order to avoid food
- I will be home in 1 week where I can do whatever I want without being in places where they cook burgers, BLTs, and Grilled Cheeses whenever you want them

notquiteana says that If I don't screw up (Whoops. Cause I did just that already today) I could be staring down at the 100s by the end of this year! God I hope so! That would be truly amazing.

Well, wish me luck and I hope that I can stay strong through the next 23 hours.

Thinspo for the Day

Keep the Power, Will Power that is Lovlies,

I can't tell you what I've eaten today. It would be too depressing. I can't. I know tomorrow I will be 210 or more. Hopefully not but most likely.


I know that fat is not cute and that thin is all I desire but why can't I make my actions show this? I'm fucking up my life and I can't stop. I even screwed up my 24 hour fast. I think I'll just give up on it.

FML. Ana just needs to support me. I need to feel her reach over and pull me back up when I stumble, trip, and fall and I need her to grab me before I go overboard.

Let's hope the scale has a little bit of compassion tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. oh gosh, i'm sorry you binged! it's hard to control yourself when you think you're doing well and that it'll be ok to eat juuuuuust a little more than usual and then it turns into eating a whole crapload of food... whatever number the scale tells you tomorrow remember that you WILL get past it again. please don't beat yourself up about this ok? I DO still believe you'll be in the 100's by 201!!! Don't give up!!!